“That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.”
An ongoing digital archive of 1,429 items (and counting) proving that I read, I saw, and I actually paid attention.
“That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.”
“Every man who marries, marries the wrong woman. True suffering cometh when a man is in love with the woman he cannot marry.”


“When the nuns came to be blessed by the Patriarch, who on special holy days, went by my house in a motorboat, I detached the phallus of the horseman and hid it in a drawer. I also did this on certain days when I had to receive stuffy visitors, but occasionally I forgot, and when confronted with this phallus found myself in great embarrassment. The only thing to do in such cases was to ignore it. In Venice a legend spread that I had several phalluses of different sizes, like spare parts, which I used on different occasions.”
“It was supposed to be a tribute to BeyoncĂ©, but people did not take it that way.”

“I’m Petra’s father.”

“Staying true to my guru’s ‘keep up’ imperative and quite recently having become a yoga teacher myself, I continued to teach through the production period, having a crew of yogis doing body drops and chanting ‘Har’ in our office even the night before we went to print. Why, you could ask, is keeping up so important? If you keep up a daily practice, you will eventually start to align. If you are aligned, things start to happen. Not to you, but for you.”
“What kind of crap forest doesn’t have a cell tower?”
“Never fear. We will come up with something very smart at the very last minute that solves all our problems!”
“All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.”
“So it’s actually only two of us now. Myself and my grandmother, Nana Connie. We like to watch 60 Minutes because Lesley Stahl is fearless.”
“It’s this new hookup app my company is launching. We’ve got Grindr. We’ve got Tinder. This is Zellweger. It’s for gay guys who just want to talk about actresses, then go to bed.”

