“Every man who marries, marries the wrong woman. True suffering cometh when a man is in love with the woman he cannot marry.”
An ongoing digital archive of 1,212 items (and counting) proving that I read, I saw, and I actually paid attention.
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“Every man who marries, marries the wrong woman. True suffering cometh when a man is in love with the woman he cannot marry.”

“It was supposed to be a tribute to Beyoncé, but people did not take it that way.”

“I’m Petra’s father.”

“What kind of crap forest doesn’t have a cell tower?”

“Never fear. We will come up with something very smart at the very last minute that solves all our problems!”

“So it’s actually only two of us now. Myself and my grandmother, Nana Connie. We like to watch 60 Minutes because Lesley Stahl is fearless.”

“It’s this new hookup app my company is launching. We’ve got Grindr. We’ve got Tinder. This is Zellweger. It’s for gay guys who just want to talk about actresses, then go to bed.”

“It’s one thing to be old, to be forty or fifty with a broken heart, but it’s practically terminal when you’re thirteen. When you’re thirteen with a broken heart, I bet your valves aren’t even strong enough to mend themselves.”

“It’s not sewing, it’s making moonlight.”

“You can do ten stupid things if you do one smart thing.”